What to Do If You Suspect Your Spouse in Cheating
If you think your husband or wife is cheating, the most important advice is to be very careful. Keep in mind that sometimes, people do strange things, which does not automatically equate to an affair. Therefore, prior to making accusations directly or through an attorney, make sure you have the facts. The bottom line is that you need to get as much solid evidence and information first. Otherwise, you could accuse your spouse of cheating only to find out you were wrong and then be faced with marriage problems stemming from distrust.
Ask yourself first if your suspicions are well founded or if you are just feeling a little insecure. Then, you need to make sure you have physical evidence in the form of receipts, phone numbers, letters, emails, phone calls, and so on, or have a person that actually saw your husband or wife out with another person in a compromising position. Once you have gathered evidence, look at it with an open mind to determine if it points to an affair or just a spouse doing something out of the norm but innocent.
Unfortunately, if your spouse's cheating is an on-going problem then you need to gather evidence with a different frame of mind, one to support a divorce and/or child custody proceeding. Of course, there is the aspect of having peace of mind as well. There is nothing worse than suspecting your spouse of cheating and not knowing for sure. The turmoil this cause can physically make you ill. Therefore, you need to know so you can move on with life. Finally, there is the consideration of a sexually transmitted disease. If your spouse is sleeping with someone else, you have every right to know, especially if no protection is being used.
Some of the signs of a cheating spouse are obvious while others are not. You might notice your spouse staying up late to watch television, make phone calls, or work on a project to avoid spending time with you. You might also notice that he or she loses their temper quickly, seems distracted, or shows interest in new hobbies, sports, or activities. Many times, a cheating spouse will change his or her appearance with a new hairstyle, better clothing, brushing teeth more often, and working out to get into better shape. Then there are the extra hours or late night hours at work. Finally, you might notice that intimacy between the two of you is changed, either the lovemaking stops or he or she suddenly shows interest in trying new things.
Remember, you know your spouse better than you might think. Therefore, when things begin to change because of an affair, they may be subtle at first. However, chances are you will begin to sense those changes. Without jumping the gun, try to pay attention to things that seem different. Interestingly, many times a cheating spouse is so full of guilt that he or she actually wants to be caught, even if that thought is on the subconscious level.
If you suspect your spouse is cheating, in a very careful way, talk to family and friends. For instance, if your wife told you she was spending the day with Brenda, next time you see Brenda, make an innocent statement like, "Did you and my wife have fun shopping the other day?" Chances are you can gauge the truth by her reaction. Being your wife's friend, she may cover for her but again, watch her expression and response. If your husband has been working a lot of overtime, next time you run into a co-worker, you could say something like, "I can't believe all the overtime David has put in.is this pretty normal for the company?" Again, pay attention to the response, which will tell you a lot.
You will also need to pay attention to any signs that your spouse is being unfaithful. Check clothing for fragrances or aftershave or perfume, look for makeup marks, and scour the car, desk, briefcase, purse, and appointment books for any sign that something is not right. Then, look for matchbooks from restaurants or hotels, receipts from restaurants and other stores, and phone numbers. While you might feel a little deceitful doing this, if your spouse is cheating, you have every right to know.
For example, if you notice that when you come home your husband or wife gets off the phone quickly, you should be asking yourself why. If you walk into the room where your spouse is on the computer but he or she suddenly shuts it down, again ask why. If you find your spouse is making a ton of excuses for having to go to the office or to the store and then is gone for more than an hour you should be suspicious.
If you have found a few things that lead you to suspect a cheating spouse, you might use a telephone-recording device. The important thing here is to check with your state laws to ensure this would not be breaking any laws. If not, you could use a device to record your husband or wife's telephone conversations to be played back when you have privacy. This simple device plugs into a regular phone jack with the phone cord into the device. When calls come in or go out, the device will automatically turn on and record the conversation. Again, some state laws prohibit such a device so check first so you do not get into legal trouble.
If you find that you cannot record according to your state's laws, then pay attention and log any suspicious calls. For instance, if you start getting a lot of hang-up calls or wrong numbers when you answer the phone, this could be a sign that someone is trying to reach your spouse but because you answered the phone, they made an excuse for calling. If you do not currently have caller ID on your phone, you might call the phone company and have it added to your services. Caller ID is affordable and you could set the device to a phone not used so your spouse has no idea you have it.
Just remember, if you have mysterious phone calls, it is likely your husband or wife's lover is calling. In fact, most will call from their home or cell phone, which is traceable. In this case, contact your phone company, asking for an itemized bill. Then, look for numbers that you do not recognize. The suspicious calls can be tracked using a crisscross directory, which can be found at your local library. Once you perform this task, you would be able to determine the person's name, address, and perhaps occupation, telling you much more about the person with whom your spouse is linked.