Ways to Catch a Cheating Husband
If you suspect your husband may be cheating, you could hire a private investigator but you also have a number of options for doing your own sleuthing, thus saving money. The first step is to know the telltale signs of cheating. Although these signs do not prove he is cheating, they are usually good indicators. To find out if your husband is cheating, all you have to do is use your ears and eyes, coupled with what you know about the man to find out if he is or is not having an affair.
The truth is that when it comes to infidelity, there are definite warning signs. Some signs are obvious while others tend to be a little more subtle. Regardless, you want to pay attention to all of them, becoming your own private investigator. Start the process of uncovering the truth by paying closer attention to your husband, changes in behavior, the way he dresses, spending time at the gym, making secret phone calls, using the computer more often, leaving the house for lame excuses, and noticeable fragrances on his clothes.
One of the first things you would likely notice is a difference in the way he dresses. For instance, if he usually heads out on Saturday morning to wash the car in an old pair of sweats but suddenly he is wearing nice jeans and a shirt, wonder why. The same is true for his habits at work. Pay attention to his daily habits to see if you notice a change. If he is going to work earlier or staying later on a consistent basis, this would be a sure sign that something is amiss.
You should also pay closer attention to his speech. For instance, if he mentions names, whether female or male, that you have never heard, ask who these people are. If the two of you have always had an honest, open communication and now he starts to shut you out or if his stories come up inconsistent, these could all be signs that he is fooling around behind your back. The key here is to find uncharacteristic behavior, something that is typically not him.
Again, pay attention to his clothing. At some time or another, he is going to mess up. In this case, look for smells of perfume or makeup smudges. If your husband never goes to a bar but now has cigarette smoke on his clothing, this would be a sign that he is not doing something out of the norm. Then, if your husband starts taking his suits and other clothing items to the dry cleaners himself, you should be asking yourself why. Remember, these are not sure signs that he is cheating but they are indicators that he could be.
Most important, go with your gut feeling. Women have built-in radar, knowing when things in the marriage are simply not up to par. If you feel a physical and emotional distance between the two of you, notice that you are no longer talking as you did before, this could be serious. Follow your intuition and rather than approach him immediately, take your time putting all the pieces together. If you were to let him know that you suspect he is cheating, he will likely be more careful but not stop his worldly ways.
As long as you stay alert and notice, everything that your husband does, if he is cheating then you will find evidence at one time or another. Sometimes, the signals of infidelity are so small they are hard to detect so you need to sharpen your skills and notice things like the time of day he leaves and comes home, his newfound need for privacy, his sudden interest in the gym or sports outside of the home, and so on. Most women do not like the idea of spying on a husband. However, if you start by writing down all your suspicions and they look more foreboding on paper, then you have the right to know what is going on in your marriage.
Keep in mind that while you do your sleuthing, you want to be cautious. For instance, if you start rummaging through his wallet, briefcase, or pockets, make sure you put everything back exactly as you found it. If you do find something such as a woman's phone number, rather than take the piece of paper, photocopy it and then put it back. Remember, you are in sleuthing mode right now. Although it might be difficult not to approach him about your suspicions, you want to arm yourself with information first. Therefore, you will have to be strong and keep documenting what you believe to be an affair without his knowledge.
Be very careful and secretive about your findings, putting your stash of evidence in a safe place that he would never fine. This evidence gathering exercise coupled with your notes on what you see and hear will soon show you the truth. The hardest part of being your own sleuth is that you need to act as if nothing were wrong. You cannot say or, do anything that would tip him off to your suspicions. The last thing you want is for him to become suspicious of you thinking he is having an affair, which could lead him to being more careful, covering his tracks, or hiding evidence.
Without doubt, restraining yourself during the sleuthing phase is going to be the hardest thing you have ever done. After all, your emotions are in turmoil and yet somehow, you have to act as if everything is fine. Try to maintain focus on the task at hand, looking at it more as a job than a challenge of uncovering his nasty little secret. Even if you were tempted to question him about his late night meeting, avoid saying anything. The best weapon in your arsenal is knowledge. Once you have all the knowledge you need, you can then expose the truth.
Just keep reminding yourself that you are building a case to protect you and possible your children. Once you have all types of evidence and only then, sit down with your husband in a calm environment and confront him with what you know. Again, having a strong case means he will not be able to deny his affair or try to turn the tables, making you the bad one for snooping. If your husband is someone with violent behavior, then he should be approached with another person for your protection.
If your husband were to try to turn the tables, just remember this ploy is common among cheating spouses. After the affair is out, the two of you will need to determine how you want to move forward. For some couples, the marriage would be over whereas other couples go into counseling, sometimes successful and sometimes not. It is your call on how you choose to continue the marriage.