Things To Do If You Think Your Spouse is Cheating
If you believe your spouse is involved in an extramarital affair, you may be panicked. It's important to know for sure before you start making accusations, so follow these simple rules to try and sort out if your spouse is really having an affair.
- Show up at his office unannounced for lunch. See what reaction you get when you surprise him at his workplace. Is he glad to see you and eager to have lunch together? Or, is he flustered, telling you he's busy and you shouldn't have wasted your time coming to see him?
- Tell him you're working late, but then come home on time. Be prepared that he may be in your home with another woman when you come home. If he's not home, quiz him later on what he did while you were working late. If he says he was home all evening, you'll know better.
- Surprise him on a business trip. If you can get his trip itinerary, just show up at his hotel one day, saying you wanted to surprise him.
- Call his secretary and chat about his late working hours and business trips. If she seems confused by what you're saying, or refutes some information he's given you, then you'll have a good idea that his time away from home isn't really spent at work.
- Tell him you're planning a romantic getaway for the two of you. Judge his reaction - if he says he can't possibly get away or makes other excuses not to go, he feels too guilty to go away with you.
- Tell him you need some space - Suggest a break from each other or a trial separation. Be prepared with this one. He may admit the affair on the spot, or he may think a separation is a great idea.
- Follow him - See for yourself where he's going when he leaves on some unexplainable evening out.
- Snoop - Read his email. Check his credit card and phone bills. Look in his coat pockets and the glove box of his car.
Before you find out the truth, be sure you can handle the worst case scenario. Have a plan as to how you will handle the bad news, and give some thought as to how you want to proceed if you find out that he has been cheating. Suspecting that your spouse is being unfaithful is not the same as not the same as knowing for sure. If he begs your forgiveness, are you prepared to stay together? If he admits the affair and says he wants a divorce, are you prepared to cope?
Infidelity is a devastating event in a marriage, but is more common than you may think. Some statistics report that as many as 40% of married women and 60% of married men have at least one affair at some point in their marriage. However, fewer than 10% of people who have an affair divorce their spouse and marry their lover. So, even if your spouse is cheating, the odds are in favor of your marriage, if you can survive the affair. It's important to know where you stand, and how you will handle the events that follow. Some things to think about are:
- Is his lover a coworker? Will he continue to have to see her at work? If so, can you trust him to stay away from her, or will you insist that he change jobs?
- If he's cheating via the Internet, will you be able to trust him to use the computer?
- Will you be willing to go to counseling? Will he be willing?
- If his lover is someone both of you know, how will you handle interacting with her?